Starting therapy can feel like a big step. You may feel embarrassed or fear that you’ve failed or aren’t good enough as a parent if you need to take your child to therapy. Not true! It is actually a sign of a responsible, good enough parent to recognise that they and their child may need help.

On one hand, a child may be passing through a phase that will resolve on its own. On the other, behaviour struggles are tough for the whole family even if it is “just a phase.”

THE YOUNGER THE CHILD THE MORE PARENTS ARE INVOLVED IN THERAPY

When you imagine what therapy looks like, you probably envision the patient sitting alone in a room with their counsellor. Things look a little different for children/adolescents in therapy.  Generally, the younger your child is, the more time you can expect to spend in the room with your child’s counsellor.

Parents are the centre of a young child’s life. Young children look to their caregivers to decide how they should think, feel, and act. Their connection with their parent is what helps them feel safe. Because your young child takes so many cues from you, it’s hard to create any lasting change in therapy if you aren’t kept in the loop.

CAN CHILDREN BENEFIT FROM COUNSELLING?

You might be surprised to learn that special forms of therapy exist to help babies and toddlers with emotional problems. This type of therapy always includes the parent and child together, and helps the parent learn new ways to soothe their baby and deal with hard behaviour. This can be especially helpful for young children who have survived trauma.

When I see preschool aged children in therapy, I try to have parents join for the initial sessions Most preschool aged children are able to meet alone for part of their therapy session. Sometimes, as they feel more comfortable, they can be alone with the therapist as sessions progress.  Parents can also help enormously with implementing specific strategies to help their child.

Generally, I see primary school-aged children on their own, but I like to meet with parents periodically to talk about our progress in therapy and discuss strategies which they can use to at home to help their child.

WHEN CAN CHILDREN GO TO COUNSELLING ON THEIR OWN?

Many preschooler aged children can benefit from individual play therapy. Depending on the child and the situation, I may see the child on their own in subsequent sessions or with their parent. Every child has an individually tailored clinical plan.

I usually start seeing children for therapy by themselves from primary school age. By this age, children have gotten used to separating from their parents each day for school. They are more independent, and much more able to verbalize their thoughts and feelings. Parents of primary school aged children should still plan on meeting with their child’s therapist on at least an occasional basis.

By high school, most children/adolescents are able to manage therapy almost entirely by themselves. Tweens and teens crave independence and have started forming an identity away from the family unit. Having an unbiased listener to vent feelings to in confidence can be really helpful at this age. While I still work closely with parents of tweens and teens, they don’t usually need to meet with me as frequently.

How to Tell if Your Child Is Old Enough for Therapy

Age isn’t the only thing to consider when deciding whether your child is ready for therapy. Every child is unique and develops at their own pace. Keep an eye out for these signs to decide whether your child will benefit from one-on-one time with a therapist:

• Your child has started make-believe play: for example, they can use an object to represent something else while playing.

• Your child can communicate her needs to other people if you aren’t around.

• With help, your child can focus on an activity for more than a few minutes.

• Your child has started verbalizing thoughts and feelings.

Every child’s situation is different. If your child is meeting milestones at a different pace due to a health condition or developmental delay, they can still benefit from counselling.

Signs That Therapy CAN Help Your Child

It’s totally normal for young children to throw tantrums, fear monsters under the bed, or enjoy using the word “No” whenever possible. So how do you decide when a problem has gotten big enough to consider therapy? In my experience, the fact that a parent is considering therapy at all is usually a sign that things have gotten too hard to manage.

You don’t have to wait for a crisis to call a therapist. In fact, sometimes it’s nice to get an outside perspective on the typical, everyday problems of growing up. Even if you can muddle through a situation on your own, a therapist can help make things easier and less painful for everyone involved.

Here are a few indicators that therapy could help your child:

• Your child is struggling with her feelings more than other children his/her age.

• The problems are getting in the way of daily activities like eating, sleeping, play dates, or school.

• Your child is having difficulty making or keeping friends or getting along with siblings.

• The problems started after a stressful event.

• You’ve noticed that things are getting worse, not better.

   

After you have thought about your child, take a minute to check in with yourself, too.

How is your stress level about this issue? Are you feeling so overwhelmed by your child’s emotions that you’re not sure how to help him/her manage them anymore? Feeling pushed beyond your own limits as a parent is a totally valid reason to look into counselling.